She stood by the sink, rubbing the sleep from her eyes,
filling the coffee carafe with water. Trying
to remember the events of the night before, she wonders if she even made it to midnight,
before passing out in a drunken stupor. “Happy
new year,” she mutters to herself, hoping the hangover subsides soon, without
sidelining her for the entire day. She
had missed brunch with her family, which was not much of a loss, really. Another year of her mother muttering, “We all
know what your new year’s resolution is...maybe you will find a man.” It took everything not to explain to her
mother that she had found lots of men, some even woke up with her after a night
of hot,heavy sex. But that would have
drawn disapproving looks and tears over her lost virginity. The poor woman – if she only knew that her daughter’s
virginity had been lost at 15, right in the center of her mother’s pale pink
chiffon comforter.
The
mewing at the door pulls her from her reverie, as she lets in her obese
tabby. “Happy new year, Riley,” pulling
open the door, not actually looking at the cat.
Riley drops a rather dead bird on the floor at her feet. “Jesus H, Riley!” she screams, as she kicks the cat’s prize out
the door onto the porch. Riley glares at
her, and the woman knows Riley will punish her with a piss spot on her
comforter at some point during the day.
Hey!!
ReplyDeleteTo me, this feels like the start of a short story. Probably because you don't mention the main character's name, which I like, actually. It pulls me in more than blantantly stating the name, anyway. The tone of it feels very short and sarcastic, as if someone has just awoke and hasn't had their coffee yet, which I think was what you were going for.
As I stated before, I like how you mention the name of the cat before you mention the name of the woman. It brings the focus to the cat, which was the prompt after all.
However, you were considering this as the start of a story, I would expand the woman's thoughts on the "night before"--either before or continuing after Riley comes in.
Hope this helped in some way!!
-AM