Recently, I have been sick. I succumbed to that horrible cold bug going around, lingering far too long, causing coughs and sneezes at the most inopportune of times. It leaves me still sleepy in the morning, no matter how long I have been in bed, and makes it impossible to actually focus and prioritize before mid-morning when the fog finally lifts, and I can properly view the ever growing list of priorities stacking up. It has been a tough two weeks.
During this period of infirmity, I lost sight of my priorities, and have allowed others to make those determinations for me. I have given up control over my life, become angry, sad, confused, and miserable by taking a stand. A stand that never leads anywhere except to another stand, another fight, never actually gaining on a resolution. It is all about the fight. The issues are meaningless, they change randomly, and have very little importance in the whole scheme of things. And the worst part is - I participated without actually taking a step back to determine if the fight was actually worth fighting.
I was checking one of my social media outlets, and there was yet another inspirational message posted by a good friend. Its timeliness is almost eerie; it pretty much sums up what I have been trying to come to grips with all day. An overwhelming need to fight, to right the wrong, to explain the misconception, and to beg them to just leave me the hell alone. I have been struggling with doing things I have no interest in doing, in order to “fight the good fight,” only to fall farther and farther behind on the things that I need to be doing – the things I want to be doing, and the things that bring happiness into my life, without the constant contention. But, alas, I am a fighter.
Yes, I am a fighter. And part of being a successful fighter, is picking your battles. So, with the words of wisdom now firmly rooted in my psyche, soon to become a printout I tack on the wall emblazoned with “New Life Motto” across the top in red Sharpie (yes, red!), I will endeavor to fight the good fight. I will no longer let others hi-jack my life for their entertainment. I have important work to do, and important people to dedicate my time and energy that appreciate it.
I can no longer help those who are determined to be miserable, and seek to make others around them miserable. I have neither the time nor energy to argue with them when they refuse to see the forest through the trees, seek out the light, or just move on and find their own happiness. I no longer care how much they pay, or how many people they are able to sucker into “believing” their skewed truths. I have gazed upon the lush forest, wrapped myself in the light, found happiness in my family, and rediscovered a long-lost love. The most important thing I have accomplished is I no longer hate them – I pity them. It has been a long journey for me to get to this place, but I at least put one foot in front of the other until it got easier to step into the life I have been dreaming of for years. I cannot make anyone take those steps in their own lives – no matter how much I try to convince them there is contentment and fulfillment outside of making someone miserable in an attempt to make oneself less so. It is unsustainable. It is as fleeting as the inspirational messages that are re-posted, re-tweeted, and saved never to be reconsidered or acted on.
So I am all about making a difference in MY life, and hoping that translates into making a difference in others. Where it works – great! Where it fails – it is not my problem to fix.
For the record – here is my new motto:
LIVE IT, LEARN IT, KNOW IT, LOVE IT!!
Way to go girl. I can't believe how much time I wasted in my life dealing with other people's garbage, until I figured out it was their garbage, not mine and just walked away.
ReplyDeleteI loved the sentence "I have gazed upon the lush forest . . ."